


Never Mine

by NightSky121



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-17 02:02:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15450954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightSky121/pseuds/NightSky121
Summary: I can't make you love me.And you were never meant to be mine.





	Never Mine

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody! This is just a random little idea I had that I thought I might share with you! It's not very good, but yeah :)

_Never meant to be mine._

"What do you think?" Sicheng asked shyly.

"W - what do I think? Of - "

"Yeah, what do you think of Yuta?"

"Um, I don't really know him, sorry."

With the setting sun reflected in his warm brown eyes, a dreamy smile on his face, his soft dyed-blonde hair shining in the dimming light, Sicheng looked beautiful to Taeil. And that kind of beauty caused his heart to ache, this beauty that would never be his, never belong to him.

"I think - oh god, I think I might like him." Sicheng sat up abruptly, lifting his head off his arms, his forehead crinkling in distress. "Taeil, I think I might like him. I like him. I know I like him. Oh god. What do I do?"

Taeil tried to make his smile look real. 

"I don't know. I haven't really, um, liked anyone in a while. Sorry, Sicheng, can't help you out there."  _Lies_ , Taeil thought.  _All lies_. 

But the smile Sicheng returned was dazzling. Dazzling in a non-perfect sort of a way. Dazzling in a flawed, all-too-human away. Dazzling in a way that took Taeil's breath away.

"It's okay. Thanks for always being here for me. I'm so lucky to have a friend like you."

 _I'm so lucky to have a friend like you_.

"No. Thank YOU, Sicheng."

And Sicheng went silent again, staring into the sea.

 _I love you_ , Taeil wanted to scream.  _But I know you don't love me the way I love you. So I wish that these feelings I have for you could disappear._

But he remained silent. Who was he to ruin Sicheng's happiness? To take away the glowing look on his face? To hurt him?

"I think you'd get along great with Yuta." The hope, the joy in Sicheng's voice, the little smile on his face when he said Yuta's name tugged at Taeil's heart. 

"I think so too."  _No, I don't_ _. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I know it's selfish, but I hate him._

"Do you think he likes me back?" Sicheng turned to Taeil again.

"Who wouldn't?" Taeil burst out before he could stop himself. "Who wouldn't like you, Sicheng?"

Sicheng smiled again. "I hope he does, but it would be selfish, wouldn't it?"

"It's not selfish, since you can't make anyone like somebody."  _Just like I can't make you love me_. "But judging from the way you talk about him, I'm sure he does."

"What if he doesn't, Taeil?"

"Then he's an idiot."  _There goes my stupid mouth again_.

Without warning, Sicheng hugged his best friend.

His sudden warmth, sudden gentleness, sudden burst of affection surprised Taeil. His touch was comforting yet heartbreaking. Taeil hugged him back, hesitantly at first, then with more emotion. 

As usual, Sicheng was the first to pull away.

"You know, I think you should tell him you like him."  _Why am I such an idiot?_ "Before it's too late."

"But... but what if he doesn't feel the same way?" Sicheng asked, concerned.

"Well, it's better than to drown in your feelings, isn't it? If you really like him, if you're sure of it and have nothing to lose, you should confess to him. Because you never know what can happen. What's the worst that can happen? You can be friends, if it doesn't work out. But I know that it will. Be confident." You _don't know that you're the one_ I  _love. You'll never know_ _. I should've told you that I love you a long time ago. Then, maybe things would be different. Maybe we wouldn't be having this conversation right now..._

"Right. Thanks again, Taeil."

"No, thank you, Sicheng." _Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for being the one who is breaking my heart._

A few hours later, Taeil was alone.

The moon was full, gleaming brightly in the dark sky, with no clouds to hide behind. The stars glittered like diamonds.

Finally, all by himself, Taeil allowed himself to cry. 

He cried for the love that did not exist, that would never exist. He cried for the feelings he could never reveal, the feelings that would never go away. He cried for the heart that would never belong to him, would never beat for him, never fully open to him.

He cried for his unrequited love.

*               *               *

Two years passed.

And now, here he is, dressed in a suit that doesn't quite fit, wearing a smile that isn't quite real, saying words that aren't quite the truth.

But it's the least he can do.

He wish he could've refused Sicheng, could've made up an excuse. But this is his best friend's special day. He can't ruin it.

"Thank you for coming," Sicheng had whispered only a few moments before. "I really appreciate it."

And Taeil had tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

"I'm happy for you," he'd answered. And at least that wasn't a lie. He's happy for his best friend, happy that he's found love, happy that he is happy now. At the same time, his broken heart shatters for himself.

"I never knew that this would happen," Sicheng had said, his eyes strangely bright, his face strangely expressionless as he looked into the mirror. "You know? I would have never told my feelings to Yuta if it weren't for you."

"No - I didn't do anything - "

"You encouraged me, Taeil. Without you, maybe I would have just let Yuta slip by. It would've been too late."

 _I wish I wasn't too late_ , Taeil had thought bitterly.  _I wish I had told you how I felt a long time ago, before he came along. Then maybe things would be different_ _._

"I'm happy that you're happy," Taeil had repeated. "Now, your Prince Charming is waiting for you."

Yet Sicheng didn't leave. He just stood there, intently watching Taeil, as if there was something on his mind, something he desperately wanted to say but was afraid to. An awkward silence stretched between the two friends, a silence broken by - 

"But... it's been so long since you've been in a relationship. Is there - is there a reason why?"

Taeil feels his smile slip from his face. And the joy in Sicheng's eyes fades away.

"He was right," Sicheng says quietly. The glass of champagne in Taeil's hand nearly falls.

"Who?" Taeil asks, but he already knows.

"Can I talk to you, Taeil?" Yuta asks, walking towards Sicheng and Taeil, his voice even. "It's nothing, Sicheng." He shoots Sicheng a smile, a smile that Sicheng returns. A special smile just for Yuta, a smile for nobody else. It feels like someone's punched Taeil in the stomach.

"Sure."

They walk a little way -  _Sicheng's always loved daffodils_ , Taeil thinks randomly, seeing the flowers that are scattered all over. Then Yuta turns to Taeil, and his expression is warm and kind. And jealousy inflates Taeil, the same jealousy that hasn't gone away after two years. 

"I know you love him," Yuta says.

Taeil stiffens.

"That's - that's not - "

"It's true, though, isn't it?" Yuta inspects Taeil's face. "I knew it."

"Then what do you want to say?" Taeil suddenly feels tired. "Are you going to rub it in?"

"No."

"Then... what do you want?"

"I just wanted to say this: I admire you, Moon Taeil."

"We're best friends," Taeil says defensively. "We mean a lot to each other. I don't want to ruin our friendship."

"You're getting the wrong idea. No, it's just... all this time, how could you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Continue being his best friend, even though you know he doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about him."

This simple sentence, and Yuta's genuinely confused and admiring tone, causes a sudden crushing pain in Taeil's heart. He feels the tears building in his eyes, the tears that he'll never let fall in front of the man his beloved loves.

"I can't bear to be away from him," Taeil whispers. "He's my best friend through and through - I - I just... bear it, I suppose.  That pain is better than the pain of being away from him."

"I'm sorry." It's so quiet that Taeil almost doesn't hear Yuta. But the sincerity in Yuta's voice rings through, and Taeil almost wants to laugh.

"It's not your fault, Yuta. I'm - I'm happy that he's happy with you."

"You're strong. I wish you all the best for the future."

And Yuta leaves.

Taeil stares into the sea, just like Sicheng did that night more than two years ago.

He wishes he could forget his feelings for Sicheng. He wishes he could be more selfless. He wishes he could be truly happy for Sicheng. But the one making Sicheng happy isn't him.

"I'm so sorry, Taeil."

Sicheng stands next to Taeil. It is too dark for Taeil to see his expression, but there is no mistaking the mournful tone of Sicheng's voice.

"Don't be."

"I wish - I wish things could be different - "

"Don't say that." 

"Why? Don't you wish things could be different?"

This question catches Taeil off guard.

"Yeah, I do. But you're happy with Yuta, and that's all that matters, right? Don't regret your happiness for me."

"But - "

"You're too kind."

"No - "

"You should go back now. Your guests will be wondering where you are. Please. I... I want some alone time."

"Alright." Taeil doesn't miss the hurt and disappointment in his best friend's voice.  "Taeil... thank you for being so selfless." And Sicheng walks away.

Taeil collapses to his knees. His teardrops fall into the sand.

Yes, he wishes things were different. Maybe in another life, another timeline, another world, he and Sicheng could be together. But not in this life. And he loves Sicheng too much, too deeply, to ask more of what he has already given him. Sicheng called him selfless, but Taeil isn't sure. If he really was selfless, he would leave Sicheng alone. Instead, he remains by Sicheng's side, more willing to suffer eternal pain than to leave him. He's not sure why he stays like this, but one thing is clear: any pain is better than pain he will face if he ever leaves Sicheng. Anything Sicheng gives him is better than anything he could receive if he left Sicheng. Friendship is better than loneliness. Because the cold, hard truth will always emerge, no matter what.

_You were never meant to be mine. I can't make you love me._


End file.
